Wondering how you can put in the work to create a solid foundation in your marriage? This article will break down what we feel are the most important aspects to having a good marriage foundation.
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Whether you just got married or have been married for decades, it’s important to consider how YOU put in the work in your marriage. If you’re anything like John and me, you want to do everything in your power to make your marriage a good one. As a couple who’s newer to marriage, but strives to pursue one another to the best of our ability, we’re sharing what we’ve found helps us.
You are going to learn tips for building a good marriage foundation, tips for doing your part in your marriage, and tips for asking your partner to do their part in your marriage.
After reading this post, you will feel more confident about the steps you’re taking to strengthen your marriage.
This post is all about how to build a good marriage foundation.
How to Build a Good Marriage Foundation
Tips for Building a Solid Marriage Foundation
Work Toward POSSESSing these Qualities
Patient – There will always be things that bug you about how your partner does/handles things. Acting with patience will take you and your partner a longgggg way in your marriage. Any time you sense impatience coming out in your or your partner, remind yourselves that you’re on the same team, and that you both have the same goal in mind.
Respect – You wouldn’t be with your partner if you didn’t respect them when you first got married. Throughout your marriage, treat your partner with respect, letting them know you admire who they are, the qualities they possess, and the achievements they’ve made.
Loyalty – By supporting your partner no matter what, you’re showing your loyalty to them. You’re on the same team so stand by their side and show them that you care about them.
Open-Minded – Your partner is bound to say things you don’t agree with. Instead of shutting them down right away hear them out and understand why they believe what they do. If you then still don’t agree, that’s fine. But because you respect them you should be open to their mindset.
Good Listener – When you ask a question, listen to the answer! When your partner’s talking, listen to what they have to say! This seems self explanatory, but can be so easy to get distracted. If there’s ever a time that your partner is talking to you and you’re not available (mentally or physically) to listen, let them know and ask if you can continue the conversation when you are in a better space to truly hear what they’re saying.
In addition to working toward possession these qualities, it’s also important to address (aloud) when you don’t act within these qualities.
Bring up Tough Topics
Think about what bothering you. To determine whether it’s necessary to bring up in conversation, ask yourself these questions:
- Is my partner doing this on purpose? If you feel like they are doing this on purpose, you should definitely bring up the conversation (while putting the qualities listed above into practice). If you feel like they aren’t doing this on purpose, you should go to the next question to decide whether or not to talk to them.
- If this happens again, would it truly impact my mood and/or our relationship? If your answer is that it’d impact your mood, but wouldn’t impact your relationship, think about how much it would impact your mood. Is this something you feel could really make or break your day? If your answer is that it’s impact your mood and relationship, you should definitely talk to your partner about this.
Hopefully that helps!
Define Roles
Defining who does what in a relationship is one of the first things we did in our pre-marriage counseling, and one of the things that I believe has helped us communicate thus far.
Defining roles not only helps define what is expected of both of you, but it also helps you communicate with your partner when you feel they aren’t doing their part.
Continue to get to Know one another
We, as people, NEVER stop growing and changing. That’s why it’s SO important to continue to get to know your partner throughout your relationship.
Ask questions like “where do you hope to be in five years?”, “what are you most excited for in this upcoming year?”, “how can I help encourage and push you in the season of life we’re in right now?”, and so on. Open ended questions like this help us continue to get to know and understand who our partner is, and how we can continue to love and support them.
Tips for Doing your Part in Your Marriage
Marriage is a lot about how you work together, but also a lot about the effort you put in on your own. From talking to people and experiencing our own hiccups in marriage, we’ve realized that the work you do as an individual plays such a huge role in how your marriage flourishes.
- Ask Yourself “What do I need to work on?”
- Share what makes you happy & your gratitudes
- Share what bothers you
- Act on Your Partner’s Love Language
- Ask your partner questions – continue to get to know them
- If you have a problem, talk to your partner. Not your parent, sibling, or friend.
Tips for asking your Partner to Do Their Part in Your Marriage
- Go to them with the qualities we talked about above in mind.
- Be honestly open about your faults.
- Consider how you would like to hear criticism if they were coming to you.
This post is all about how to build a good marriage foundation.
If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy our post “8 Important Marriage Conversations to Have Each Month“.
